proverbs 31:7

Proverbs 31:7 “Let him drink, and forget his poverty, and remember his misery no more.”

I used to drink to forget things that brought my heart misery. Things that tormented me would seem to be easier to handle when drunk, in reality I wasn’t handling them at all just numbing them as they grew to effect me more and more.

As easy as it was to forgt my problems with a bottle when I woke up the next day everything seemed to hit me harder, not only was the pain still there internally but now I had physical pain to, body aches, head aches, and no motivation to do anything or go any where.

As I now grow to know god, and begin to see his character I see that he doesn’t want me or any of his children hindered or with out motivation for his will. All threw out scripture I see lines like “arise and go” Jeremiah 18:2, acts 9:11, acts 9:6, acts 22:10 and the big one Mathew 28:19 “go and make disciples of all nations.” And being drunk to forgit my problems would be a big disability when up comes to going anywhere.

for example I cant ever see my boss in a secular world allowing me to be drunk during work hours so as a servant and worker for Christ where there are no 9 to 5 hours or punch cards I must always be ready to arise and go any where he calls me at any time not being hindered by alcohol or any other distractions the enemy might throw at me or my flesh might crave.

Application: be mindful about what I poor into my life in knowing that it will seep out.

be couscous of what I spend my time doing knowing that not just alcohol can hinder my ability to serve god, but also anything I let have more control over me then he does. 

proverbs 31:6

Proverbs  31:6 “give strong drink to him who is perishing, and wine to those who are bitter of heart.”

King lemuels mom is telling him to give strong drink to those who are perishing, letting him come to the conclusion hopefully that he is not perishing there fore this is no need to live like he is. He is a king, and has a strong calling and hopefully wishes to have a heart that is strong yet tender not bitter and drunk.

How can I relate this to me?

Since I am now a child of god I am called to be vessel that poor in and out his word and his love not pours in and out bitterness that comes from the perishing drunk soul.

I am not perishing flesh anymore. I have found a purpose and a savior, a reason not to be bitter and crave anything other then the blood of Christ and a reason not to dilute the blood he created with in me with alcohol or any other substance that impares my abilitie to be used by him.

Application is to evaluate my life.. What could possibly be a hindrance to others around me to get to know god, and get rid of whatever it may be. From  alcohol, to launguage to sex before marriage to anything that brings forth conviction.

1 Thessalonians 5:8-9 “But let us, who are of the day, be sober, putting on the breastplate of faith and love; and for an helmet, the hope of salvation. For God hath not appointed us to wrath, but to obtain salvation by our Lord Jesus Christ

proverbs 31:5

Proverbs 31:5 “Lest they drink, and forget the law, and pervert the judgment of any of the afflicted.”

 The first thing that came to mind after reading this verse was erins story from a previous descution after ibs, about a group of people coming together to have a bible studie over some alcoholic beverages. He shaired on how people were so waisted that the bible study was more focused on alchohol then the gospel also stating that there were some non believers there. To me that’s a good example of alcohol leading away afflicted people by Christians setting a perverted example of gods law threw bad judgment.

I don’t want to loose focus of gods law or delute any plans he has for me in in Isaiah 28:7  it says, “the priests and the prophet have erred threw intoxicating drink, they are swallowed up by wine, they error in vision, they stumble in judgment.”

Application: 1 peter 4:3-4 Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings.

Proverbs 31:4

Proverbs 31:4 Proverbs 31:4 “t is not for kings, O Lemuel, it is not for kings to drink wine; nor for princes strong drink:

 I asked myself when reading this how it applies to my life, because I am not a queen and don’t have a country looking at me as there ruler to give them wise council and guidance, so… why do I need to stay away from alcohol?

And then I remembered, all the people that destroy there life with alcohol.. from the a man that cant hold down a job because he lashes out at anyone around him,, a high school kid that gets alcohol poisoning  at a party leading to a fadle end, alcohol addictions that separate families forever, and the drunk driver that gets in a wreck and killed a family spending the rest of his life in prison.

in my opinion There are many reasons to stay away from alcohol

 even if someone didn’t think have a problem and have high self control that can handle a couple beers once in a while, , it still dilutes your common since and impairs your morals, it gives the enemy a tool to lead you or someone else away from the lord.

And although this scripture is council to a king, it can be used for everyone. A king had many people looking at him as an example and a leader but in Gods eyes every life is equally loved and important, and since I never know who is watching me I have made a commitment to god to not deliberately impair my judgment any longer never drinking again.

Application: be aware off any substance, word, or action coming from me that may lead someone away from the lord. Not letting the devil dim the light that the lord has put in my heart to glorify him.

1 corinthians 13:7

I Corinthians 13:7 “Bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”

…After looking up the word bear, I found out that it comes from the greek word stego meaning to cover or protect. in  Galatians 6:2  Paul says “bear one another’s burdens and so for fill the law of Christ.” This shows me that love aught to go out of its way to make sure that those around us are comfortable, trusted, loved, cared for and protected.

>I think when it says believe all things this verse isn’t telling me to be gullible but to think the best of people rather then the worst.

>And when hoping all things I need to always look forward and not dwell in the failures of the past.

When I hold on to my failures I give Satan authority over what I choose to endure.

Application: I need to be someone that recognizes the failures of the past but recognizes as well the hope of the future enduring his love forever.. Knowing that god is working in me and being satisfied in him. Also being willing to bear anything, believe in what I am bearing, hoping in my belief, and endureing all that he has to affer while offering it to others. . Romans 8:28 “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.”

i corinthians 13:5

1 Corinthians 13:5 “does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil.”

Love is not a philosophy or doing good things randomly for people but Love is being changed into the character of Christ looking out for other people, looking at the struggles they are having and having empathy with them, finding out ways to speak and act that would be redemptive to there life regardless of how they do or do not respond.

In 1 Corinthians 10:24 it says “let know one see his own, but each one the others well-being” that sounds much like the character of Christ, being selfless and laying down his life for our sins when he didn’t have to.

 Application: 1 corinthians 10:31 “whatever you do, do unto the glory of god.”

i corinthians 13:6

1 Corinthians  13:6 “does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in truth.”

I think of jesus and the way he looks at our iniquities, he takes no pleasure in hearing or seeing it repeated, but desires it may be forgotten for ever.

And then in return response to them with conviction, Bringing forth his fruit in correction, with all holiness of heart and life.

In 2 Thessalonians 1:12 is says “and so that all will be condemned who have not believed the truth but have delighted in wickedness.”

My flesh at times longs to go backward and delight in wickedness but I now know the truth. I tasted gods love threw his convictions and corrections now thirst for it everyday rejoicing in my salvation.

My application: is to remember what god has done in my new life and the truth that keeps me going back to the old life but stops me from judgeing the ones that are still where I once was and instead loving them.

luke 17:10

Luke 17:10 “So you also, when you have done everything you were told to do, should say, 'We are unworthy servants; we have only done our duty.'”

Yesterday we had a work project. The group worked hard and diligently. The man that we were helping told us he was amazed about how much we got done and told us we could come back whenever we wanted. That made me feel really good and proud of the group.

But it wasn’t what we did or the praise we got that made me so proud, it was the observation of strong servants, I herd my group saying comments like “it feels good to do this unto the lord”, or lets make this extra clean because the lord has provided us a opportunity to do so” or Daniel inviting the man to church while the rest of us encouraged followed by Erin praying for him at the end of the time. It was truly amazing for me, We arrived in good spirits and left in good spirits and the hole time  I don’t think I herd one complaint.

i saw how good we worked together and how we truly served the lord.

And then I rememberd a verse I had read the day before

Romans 3:12 “they have all turned aside; they have together become unprofitable; there is none who does good, no, not one.” and that was a cool reminder that no matter how good are services are or how encouraging and godly we can be we still are in no way worthy. And even in our unworthy state god still uses us to glorify him. I don’t think I have ever herd of anything more beautiful I think using the inglorious to show the work of the most glory is amazing and can only be don’t threw god.

So my application today is to be grateful in every opportunity to serve and praise the lord for using me when I do not deserve it. 

Matthew 11:6

Mathew 11:6 “and blessed is he who is not offended because of me.”

I can only imagine the way john felt when he was in prison for serving Jesus. here he was serving Jesus most of his life pronouncing him as the messiah . The last place he probably expected to be was in a cell.

This makes me think about how many times I do something expecting a good outcome and have been disappointed because it wasn’t what I expected. The failure of my expectation being met soon leads to me questioning Jesus, lines like “where are you god?” or  “I Mathew 18nd the problem and it got worse, maybe your not really there.”

Its easy to get cought up in my narrow-minded eyes that cannot see past myself in surten situations and get blinded by what I can only see in front of me. Much like john he slowly got caught up in his own head and lost with in the walls of his cell.

 I think its time for me to stop getting offended by the expectations a tend to hold god to and start paying attentions to the expectations he holds for me.

galatians 6:8

Galatians 6:8 “for he who sows to his flesh will of the flesh reap corruption, but he who sows to the spirit will of the spirit reap everlasting life.”

If it was up to my flesh today I would call out of work lying to my boss with the high fever excuse to sleep in and then get ready for a good Friday night with people who also enjoy feeding there flesh with good music and strong alcohol.

 If I continued to do this every Friday I would soon be making excuses for a couple other days this week, slowly creating a manifesting lifestyle of corruption. I don’t want to be a liar who makes excuses and lies for my own benefit, or a broke alcoholic who couldn’t hold a job or finish school, and have no real friends that don’t even know me on a sober day and that’s exactly where my flesh would have guided me.

 But that’s not what I am doing today and not the lifestyle I have let manifest anymore. I chose to let my savior save me and not to ignore his voice any longer. Today I get up, with the understanding that there is purpose beyond my understanding and reason to live beyond this life.

I would rather be here devoting my life to letting god use adding more people to his kingdom then at a party wasting away drinking away my spirit. My flesh is going to die someday and nothing here on earth will matter but the souls who come with me. No life is worth the best flesh seeking party or good time.

Application: proverbs 3:7 “do not be wize in your own eyes; fear the lord and depart from evil”

When I have desires to turn around and go back to my old life style I need to cling fast to the truth and think about what I will be reaping later or what I will cause others to reap for me.

galatians 6:7

Galatians 6:7 “do not be deceived for god cannot be mocked, a man reaps what he sows.”

I can remember running from any form of authority or situations involving conflict; and deceiving many people threw lies and manipulation. It was so simple to deceive man weather by physically running or by false excuses and appearances.

Becoming a Christian I notice I can’t run anymore. Trying to run from god is like being on a tread meal that goes nowhere. I have realized that my fall back response is to run away when I don’t like what’s happening but now as I look back no matter where I ran I didn’t get any where. I was just deceiving myself.

Application: when times get hard I need to stop turning back to an old way of thinking turning to him and not trying to run from him making a mockery of myself.

galatians 6:5

Galatians 6:5 “for every man must bear his own burden.”

Proverbs 9:12 “If you are wise, your wisdom will reward you; if you are a mocker, you alone will suffer."

If I plant a bad seed it will surely rot. If I plant a good seed threw the glory of god it will be prosperous and everlasting.

Application: Think about the consequences of my actions. Think about the messages I send from my words before I say them. Think about who I represent with everything I do because I know that the good fruits taste better then the rotten ones.

galatians 6:4

Galatians 6:4 “But let every man prove his own work, and then shall he have rejoicing in himself alone, and not in another.”

1 Corinthians 3:8 “The man who plants and the man who waters have one purpose, and each will be rewarded according to his own labor.”

We are all created different and unique in the eyes of god. Each of us having different gifts and placements in the body but each of us equally important.

Application: keep focused on my position and the work that god has set for me. Keeping judgment off others members of the body and replacing it with encouragement. Humbling myself for glory of god and not directing judging deceitful eyes on someone else when I feel convicted from my sins. 

galatians 6:3

Galatians 6:3 “for is anyone thinks himself to be something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself.”

It’s interesting to me how god continually describes man as sheep in the gospel. Sheep are dense creatures with no direction for there life, if they see one sheep jump of a cliff they will follow and jump with the sheep if there not following the shepherd and no matter how hard they could try to be the shepherd they cant, they also cant understand what the shepherd is thinking or where the shepherd is taking them all they have to do to be safe is follow and trust there shepherd.

This makes me ask myself how many times have I thought I am as smart as my shepherd when in reality I am not? Or as strong? How many times have thought I can handle the wolf myself because I have learned enough from watching my shepherd or listen to his still small voice. How many times I thought I could be the shepherd and led other sheep of a cliff with me? how many times will I continue to deceive myself by thinking the weight of the world is on my shoulders or that I can figure out completely where my shepherd is taking me and what he is thinking or That I can fully understand why he is taking me there.

Application: john 15:5 “I am the vine, you are the branches, he who abides in me, and in him, bears much fruit; for with out me you can do nothing.” Jesus is right I can do nothing with out him and am nothing with out him. How dare I think I am something when I am not. I am a sheep and need to continue to follow him leaning on his understanding not on my own. I will never full understand him until I get to his dwelling place until then I will dine with simplicity of heart and follow him.

acts 2:46

Acts 2:46 “so continuing daily with one accord in the temple, and breaking of bread from house to house, they ate their food with gladness and simplicity of heart.”

I learned something a couple days ago about the temple that they went to daily. I learned that they would go to the temple 2 times a day one at 9 o’clock in the morning and 3 o’clock in the after noon. What a conviction on my part. I don’t think this was put in the bible for no reason I think this chapter has set strong principles for me to follow and place in my life and setting aside alone time with Jesus is one of them. And next time one wants to brag about being a better Christian because they go to the Sunday and Wednesday night services I can remember this and pray for them.

When I  think about the breaking of bread I think about Jesus telling his disciples about why he is dieing on the cross. I think about him describing his sacrifice for them and the world and how his sacrifice would be his flesh so that one day they would dwell in peace and not evil. I think more people need to here this and more people need the hope of the gospel knowing that they have a savior. I think I need to take everything I am learning and keep it in my heart so when I go from house to house I will have answers bringing more people to sit at the table of righteousness eating the food with gladness and simplicity of heart.

Application: Colossians 3:22 “bondservants, obey in all things your masters according to the flesh, not with eye service as men-pleasers, but in sincerity of heart, fearing god.” I need to always remember the sacrifice god made for me and for his people and respect it with communion. I need to keep a soft heart filled with sincerity and simplicity and plant seeds to create good fruits that looks appealing to all to eat. 

Acts 2:45 “and sold their possessions and goods, and divided them among all, as anyone had needed.”

This verse makes me think about how much stuff I have that I don’t need. How much I’m blessed and continue to get blessed with. It saddens my heart to think about how much other people do not have there needs met and I am over flowing with more then enough things. I’m going to go threw my things that I don’t use and send them to my sister because I know she doesn’t have what I have at potters field. I’m going to thank god for the opportunity to give away my things and bless someone els with the blessings he has given me. esp. someone I love. 

acts 2:44

Acts 2:44 “now all who believe were together, and had all things in common.”

There was a girl here at potters field that I didn’t like being around, she talked a lot at times when I didn’t want to talk at all, she liked Hannah Montana and I liked Janis Joplin, she was raised in a Christian home and stayed in that home her whole life and I have moved all around America with out a stable Christian life style, she liked pink and I liked green and we just could not find anything in common. We didn’t really ever hang out at meals and if we did it would lead to blank stares and awkward one liner conversations.

Its cool to think about how we were brought here with the assumption that we had absolutely nothing in common but in reality we had everything in common we both had a heart after god and desired to fall deeper in love with Jesus. Those blank stares and awkward conversations turned into deep conversations about god and long laughs over sillyness. She left here one of my best friends and someone I know I will meet again if not on earth then in heaven.

Application: Acts 4:32 “now the multitude of those who believed were of one heart and one soul; neither did anyone say that any of the things he possessed was his own, but they had all things in common.” I need to keep in mind that god is in everything and is bigger then anything. And holds all things together no matter what situation. And is in everything even when I see no hope or potential for anything. I need to stay humble and not so quik to judge because I could be blocking out a relationship from someone that god placed in my life for a reason.

acts 2:42

Acts 2:42 “and they continued steadfastly in the apostles’ doctrine and fellowship in the breaking of the bread and in prayers.”

This verse is weird it’s so small but yet says so much to me. It seems like the basis of my life should be and is striving to be revolved around staying steadfastly in the doctrine, have strong fellowship, and pray at any time good and bad.  Why wouldn’t I want this for my life? Staying steadfast in the doctrine learning about all the great true stories of my god seems like the cure for a lack of wisdom and knowledge to have the tools to use against any attack from my enemies. Fellow ship would bring me strength in a body to work for efficient for Christ having someone to lean on with good council and have someone leaning on my shoulder for the near fact of loving Jesus together, yes many hands create fewer work but it seems like more efficient work and stronger results when the body of people are moving with the motives for and of Christ. The breaking of the bread was one of the last things Jesus did with his apostles before he was crucified on the cross for my sins. He broke the bread as an analogy to show me that he loves me and because he loves me he is going to sacrifice his flesh for me. Now today when I do communion I do this in respect of this moment as a remembrance of gods love. To secure my doubt and my sinful thoughts and remember what my god did for me. Sometimes I forget how much power Praying can undertake. Praying gives me closure in big decisions, it strengthens my faith giving me a more of a personal relationship with Jesus and grows the holy spirit that dwells in me. These for things that are in this verse should be something I cling and never let go of because this four things give me strength and save my life and kill my flesh so my application would be to make this something that is not just something that’s easy to say and hard to do but something I merely do out of instinct clinging to these things steadfastly.

psalm 23:6

Psalm 23:6 “surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the day of my life; and I will dwell in the house of the lord, forever.”

Like I said in my other ibs the lord my god died for me and my sins the day his flesh died on the cross and continues to save me everyday after that. This is good to remember when I start to feel like my sins get so bad that I’m not saved. I need to remind myself I’m not going to concur all my sins and will continue to be in battle until my flesh dies and rejoice in the fact that Jesus concurred the grave for me. Rejoice that each foot step and breath is another act of mercy and goodness and gift from my god and use it to his light because he is the one letting the light shine in me on this earth as well as in heaven. 

psalm 23:5

 Psalm 23:5 “you prepare a table for me in the presence of my enemies; you head with oil; my cup runs over me.”

Psalm 92:10 “but my horn you have exalted like a whiled ox; I have been anointed with fresh oil.” I feel drenched in fresh oil from the lord my god. For the blessing are more then my flesh can fathom. I don’t know much about biblical life but I do know that oil around the time this was written was one of the most expensive not to be wasted items. So I thank my god for showing me that I’m not a wasted life with the blessing he has provided me.

q. Lord I thank you for the oil you have soked my heart in threw your grace. Lord I thank you for blessing me with fellowship and eceiping me to find secure in your name. LORD, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure.” Psalm 16:5 “I thank you my god for prepareing me a feast of your grace and I praise you for protecting me and bringing me security in your name for I know I have nothing to fear now but better everything to be aware of I never want to let you go Jesus.

Application: I have many things to be aware of. Psalm 141:5 “Let a righteous man strike me--it is a kindness; let him rebuke me--it is oil on my head. My head will not refuse it. Yet my prayer is ever against the deeds of evildoers. Push me, brake me further, and teach me jesus for I am yours and only want to be closer to you.

Psalm 23:1-2 “the lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me to lie down in green pastures; he leads me beside the still waters.”

 I could go on and on about how god transformed my life and brought me here in Montana to green pastures and still peaceful waters. The lord has brought me peace, clarity of mind, a opportunity everyday to love and be in love with him. Yes he is my shepherd and he has been a good one. But I have not been a good sheep my thoughts take of in new directions always wondering from the herd or sometimes almost seeming like I am running toward the wolf that is trying to pick off my shepherds sheep one by one. I am the sheep with many dirt stains on my mangey haggard whool from trying to go my own way and stumbling broken with self-destructing thoughts and brutal ways always having to repent to my shepherd and let him lead me back to him letting him heal me and wash away my stains and scares. Its interesting to me how I know my shepherd wont lead me astray but only lead me to green pastures and still waters to peace and to love. This sounds beautiful but the battle sounds brutal, my flesh has strong cravings for evil ways and thoughts and I am easily wondered of from my shepherd. Its interesting to me how I know following my shepherd will only lead to happy good things but it is harder then living in sin. sin for me is easy but painful being in love with god and walking with his is hard but peacefull.

Application: be more attentive to when my flesh strives to follow in my own direction then direct it to my shepherd and surrender to my god. Trust that he will guid me and not lead me astray. Continue to pray for strength.

psalm 23:3

Psalm 23:3 “he restores my soul; he leads me in the path of righteousness for his names sake.”

Psalm 30:2-4 “oh lord my god, I cried out to you, and you healed me. Oh lord, you brought my soul up from the grave; you have kept me alive, that I should not go down to the pit.”

Jesus healed and truly continues to restore  my soul and bring me back from satins self-destructing plan to destroy my life snd rely on flesh. He has showed me truth and how to fight the battle to hold up his name and keep me from going back to satins dwelling place and keep me in his will. The lord is continuing to use people to poor his spirit in my heart. he saved me because he loves me he saved me and is bringing me on the path to righteousness to someday be used to do what he had people do for me. 

I need to let him guid me in a path of his righteousness following his footsteps not following me but following Jesus, for his names sake not Paige McClure’s names sake for I am just a willing tool. I very important prayer for me and something I wake up to pray everyday is

Luke 22:42 “saying, father, if it is your will, take this cup away from me; neither the less not my will, but yours, be done.”

Application: stop focusing on myself, stop focusing on my position in the kingdom and let gods purpose for me in his kingdom be shown and un clouded by fleshly thought . So I wont just be a willing tool but usable tool. Gal 5:13 “for you, brethren, have been called to liberty; only do not use liberty as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.”

psalm 23:4

Psalm 23:4 “yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me. Your rod and your staff, they comfort me.”

I remember first getting to Potters Field; I was struggling with becoming a new believer in Christ, trying to let Him in my heart all the while belief was bouncing back and fourth in my head from day to day. I remember the questions and fear of the unknowns building in my heart and mind. I remember the fear and the anxiety of entering into a new culture with people speaking fancy words and spouting Christian conversations that seemed like poetry all the time. I remember wanting to run and feeling like I don’t belong here. Feeling like I belong where I had been back where I lived in the dark depth of my shadow. I remember the big question that coursed threw my veins, the one that made me want to run right into death itself… “how God, how God can you exist and tell me you love me and love all the people of the world and let all these horrible things happen? If you were there why didn’t you stop them from happening why didn’t you protect me and why aren’t you protecting others?”… its interesting to me how I now stand strong in the answers, I look back now at moments where I should have died from a over dose or cutting my veins open, moments where I was in the hospital dieing of alcohol poisoning after being slipped GHB from a guy I just met, moments and decisions that led me to jail or treatment centers, moments where I watched my family fall apart over alcohol and sexual immorality, its these moments and many others where I used to see as proof that God does not exist or if he did he would have to be a crule god to let this happen and now see them as reason to rejoice, for the Lord was there with me and protected me, the Lord brought me into His arms to comfort me, and opened my eyes to Him to now comfort others. I rejoice to Him that I came to Him now and He saved me so young so I now have many more days to walk with him and for him, I rejoice everyday that I am alive and give my life to him because my lord my god saved my soul when he died on the cross and continued to save me every day after that. His rod and staff protected me, and now that I see that it comforts me. If he protected me then when I was not walking with him then what reason do I have to fear now for he is with me ever the more.

Isaiah 27:3 “I, the lord, watch over it; I water it continually. Guard it day and night so that no one may harm it.”

Application: continue to remember the miricals god did in my life and continue to give thanks and praise to him. Let his light shine in front of me and guild my life so the shadow of death is behind me never letting gods light get behind again making it so all I see is the dark depths of my shadow, never turning my back toward his light, never becoming blind to him again. Remembering that he is always there to protect and comfort me the darkest of times.

Hebrews 13:21 “now the god of peace, who brought up from the dead the great shepherded of the sheep through the blood of the eternal covenant; even Jesus our lord, equip you in every good thing to do his will.”

isaiah 55:8

Isaiah 55:8 “for your thoughts are not my thoughts, nor are your ways my ways,” says the lord.”

First thought when I read this was well of course Jesus thoughts are not my thoughts nor his ways my ways... I’m a faithful sinner trying to be a faithful servant being stumbled by thoughts that lead to ways. Jesus is a faithful master that makes faithful promises and brings all salvation. Psalm 119:27-28 “Therefore i love your commandments more than gold, yes, than fine gold! Therefore all your precepts concerning all things, I consider to be right; I hate every false way.” I wake up this morning thanking my god that his thoughts are not mine and his ways are not mine. Only god him self could have brought me here only god himself could bring me salvation my thoughts were to stay in sin and slowly grow up to die. He had something much different in mind. It amazes me how much he influences or changes my view and thoughts on things when I give them to him to do so. I don’t have much to say about this ibs just that I’m very thankful for every breath I take walking with him and every step I take to hear his thoughts for my life. Thank you Jesus for having different thoughts for my future then I have or had. Thank you for beautiful fellowship and the knowing that I will see these beautiful people again weather on earth or in heaven. Thank you for the opportunity to choose you and hear your name every day of my life to read your word. Thank you for continually reminding me that your thoughts are not mine and your thoughts are better then anything I can possibly think.

Application: check myself when think I have a good thought or idea to turn into my way and see if its my thoughts or gods because is always better. For he Is all that is good. And stay thankful and don’t forget the blessing he has given me. 

luke 17:10

Luke 17:10 “so likewise you, when you have done all those things which you are commanded, say, ‘we are unprofitable servant. We have done what was our duty to do.”

That question for Luke 17:9’s ibs still plays in my head when I read this verse. Is my service guilt motivated or god motivated? I have to admit yes a lot of my actions are filled with the guilt from how I used to serve in the past. But I also believe god is using me to serve and teaching me the lessons of serving while in the act. I learned this week that I can serve with selfish intentions of the past or with guilty intenchians from a broken heart and neither of those are of god they are of me. my sin is a sin even descised in golden robes. This brought on another question, do I try to take on this guilt myself and not trust in my god. In galations 2:3-5 it says “are you so foolish? After beginning with the spirit, are you now trying to attain your goal by human affort? Have you suffered so much for nothing-if it really was for nothing?does god give you his spirit and work miracles among you because you observe the law, or because you believe what you heard?” this speaks to me a lot and it was a definite wake up call in my devotions this morning. I also believe that guilt is not from god and like pastor john was saying in his sermon teusday can hinder me from growing in the word.  When I gave my guilt to god it turned into conviction. Now I am convicted and must act on it. Not by something I must physically do or say but simply by letting it go from my hands putting it into gods. So when I serve its really god using me and not my guilt so my service will truly have good intentions. And when god asks me to be a good servant and obey him I do my duty unto him and be aware of my human nature and not seek unto man and unto my guilt for service. Bringing the glory unto him because he is the one that did the true act of service by dieing on the cross for me a sin lusting creature. So it’s also important for me to remind myself that the glory should be put on the holy one not me. I am just that empty vesile or as pastor g put it a glove to be formed for god to be put in and touch peoples lifes.

luke 17:9

Luke 17:9 “does he thank that servant because he did the things that were commanded him? I think not”

Since I have learned and marinated in gods words I have learned a lot about serving. I used to serve for a reward for myself. I sold drugs to kids for there money convinced people that speed would make them skinny or weed would make them feel good and make everything in life easy and make food taste better and brings peace not because I cared about them but because I cared about how much money they would give me in return. I was very self oriented and animalistic everything was about how it could benefit me and my situation and my situation was always more important. i  Served for myself and that’s how I taught myself how to survive how to get what I wanted. Now its almost like I piece of me has been ripped out and changed seeing things with a new set of eyes. If there is anything I have learned about serving its that when I do it for myself it gets the most harmful not only to the people I am serving but the guilt that overwhelms my heart. One of the most important things about serving to me and something that I am learning to follow is that God has the right to expect continual obedience to his will and continual adherence to every command he gives me. When I think about serving others do I do it out of obedience and adherence to every command he gives me? or do I do it when it’s necessary for my timing not gods? ? And if I am doing it necessary for my timing how can that possibly be beneficial to gods will for I am just sin seaking flesh? Am I also doing it to fill that guilt in my heart from my old ways of serving and if I am shouldn’t I start to recinize that and give that straight to god because even then im serving myself and my guilt even though I love seeing people and happy and I love feeling that I can bring someone comfort and relate to them but is that me or god? God did the altamit serving by dieing on the cross so there is nothing I can do to possibly take away my guilt but in romans 8:28 it clearly states “and we know that all things work together for good to those who love god, to those who are the called according to his purpose.” So my prayer and my application is to remind myself why I serve every time I am in the act of serving remind myself its because I love my god and his people and I am doing out of obedience and adherence to his commands because I know he wont lead me a stray because he is the Altamont server who died for  me because he loved me and I will choose to follow him even though I know no matter how much I serve will never top what he has done for his people. And no matter how much I serve it wil not change my past and I will strive to give god my past and trust in his salvation that it will be used to his glory.

luke 17:8

17:8 “wont he rather say, prepare my supper, get yourself ready and wait on me while I eat and drink; after that you may eat and drink?”

this is not how the body of Christ is supposed to operat. There shouldn’t be  one person that serves everyone and others that sit and expect them to keep serving.. the interns assigned to kp clean the kitchen and the staff cook in it and sit and eat with us when the food is ready. If one of those things weren’t taken care of then it causes problems such as if staff didn’t cook the food everyone would be hungry, or if we didn’t clean the kitchen there wouldn’t be dishes for people to eat with. Not only does that cause a disability in the body but it would be putting myself before other children of Christ if I had the attitude that I’m better then cleaning for the cook or cooking for the students then what would get done? And how would that be respecting the word of god? I don’t want to have a mindset that serving is a selfish act for hidden reward but simply something to honor our father and create a strong body for him and better relationship with him and  to make appealing to others so we can be used to his glory and grow the body of people. I find that god has a good foundation of love behind a lot of things he does esp. when it comes to serving and I find that the closer I get to god and doing godly acts of serving I love more. I love his people, even those who have hurt me. Nehemiah loved god and loved gods people a lot and that brought a great costly things.. he was in situations where he was surrounded by people that tried to kill and discourage him and get him to give up loving people. But he didn’t he stood tall and built the wall with one hand and had a sword in the other to fight of the devil that tried to use people to discourage him. He also prayed working with people helping them over and over to over come there lack of faith or struggles truly loving them. He pushed on working with them and helping them fight with him. He served them, will I be able to serve those who I disagree with? Or keep serving when times get tough? Will I be like Nehemiah I guy who was built with the love from god and used it to serve people and served people threw struggles that could have made him very self oriented? Nehemiah knew what he was called to do and what he was not called to do and did what he was called. He did it well, because that’s what god wanted and what god gifted him with.

Application: I need to find out why I exist and do it well. What talent god  has given me and do it to my best ability and use it to serve others. Not what I want to do or be but what god wan ts me to do and be, “more of him and less of me.” and make this a daily prayer, and put into action as a servant for him. Humbling myself by admitting my false judgments and braking down my pride and building it back up with love and good service done with good intentions.

Galatians 1:10 “am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of god? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.”

luke 17:7

Luke 17:7 “suppose one of you has a servant plowing or looking after the sheep. Will he say to the servant when he comes in from the field, ’come along now and sit down to eat?”

  Mathew 6:24 “no man is able to be a servant to two masters: for he will have hate for one and love for the other, or he will keep to one and have no respect for the other. You may not be servants of God and of wealth.” If I choose to be a servant to god then I’m also choosing to serve his people, to me there is no hirer ranking on humans and we are all children of Christ and should serve each other in act of serving the lord right? I see myself as both the person working in the field and the person being served. There has been countless times being at potters field getting a taste of what fellowship and what being a servant for Christ means where I have served the same person that has served me. For example, karlee took me on a walk when I first got here and served me with her time comforting me when she could have been studying or talking catching up on homework and the next week I went in town and bought her a tube of toothpaste. She served me with her time and I served her with toothpaste. In 1 king 12:7 it says, "If today you will be a servant to these people and serve them and give them a favorable answer, they will always be your servants." When I picture a body of Christ I see fellowship and love held together by the use of serving each other while in the act of serving god as well. I have one master and many people to serve and many people who have served me.

Application: I will continue to try and notice the next time I can serve someone who has or hasn’t served me, I have a lot of letters to reply to from all the people that wrote me comforting notes when I was struggling my first couple weeks here, that’s where I will challenge myself to start J

luke 17:6

luke 17:6 “so the lord said, “of you have faith as a mustard seed, you can say to this mulberry tree, be pulled up by the roots and be planted in the sea, ‘and it would obey you.”

 The other day I woke up asking god for a devotional book, I texted my grandma and asked her where I could find one and if they sell them somewhere in white fish. she said she would help me pick one out. A couple hours later pastor Michael gave me with 2 devotionals and I never once told him I wanted one or had asked god for one.” HOW RAD IS GOD MAN!!”… I have to admit my faith was week when is comes to god taking things in his hands and my plan was to take the situation in my own hands and try to find one myself when the hole time god has 2 waiting for me. This showed me a lot, I find myself worrying about stuff when I don’t need to, faith is trust and having that trust directed and defined in my choices this Is a big struggle for me. I want to be able to trust god with every fiber of my being but I tend to take everything into my own hands even little things such as finding a devotional book. I think all things can happen if I have faith and believe, they happen if I open my eyes and let myself see what god can do not my power but his. For he is the one that moved the mulberry tree into the sea I have to open my eyes and be the mustard seed to see his wonders. It all starts with belief.

Application: start by giving god little things to take into his hands and let go of mine and slowly give him more and more until my walk in faith is so strong and content in him. 

isaiah 55:7

Isaiah 55:7 “let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts; let him return to the lord, and he will have mercy on him; and to our god, for he will abundantly pardon.”

I am wicked and unrighteous or better put my flesh is wicked and unrighteous. When I am not putting God first in things I think or say I find myself only thinking wicked and unrighteous things. I tend to think just because I do my devotions or ask God to lead me closer to Him, He will be in everything I do through out my days. I fail to remember that I need to do my part and make Him my everything, in everything, for He is everything, well everything good that I strive to be closer to. In Mathew 6:33 it says “but seek first the kingdom of god and his righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.” This means to me not to just seek for the Lord to change the things I hate in myself. I don’t want to be changed at the right moment in time to my satisfaction but in everything thing I do before I do anything or make a decision. I remember the very first time I let God direct my life and started to die to myself. The phone call to my grandpa later leading to a phone call to Pastor Mike hearing unexpectedly that I was going to be on a plane to Montana in less then 2 weeks leaving behind the parties, school, sinful pleasures and lay it all before the Lord to grow with the Lord and fall in love. Having no idea what to expect. Psalm 118:5 “from my distress I called upon the Lord; the lord answered me and set me in a large place.” I thought that laying down my physical fleshly life around me would be the hard part, but I was wrong. I have learned that dying to self is an everyday thing. Dissecting not just the things I did and said but also the things I thought, the people I judged and the manifestation behind the actions I made. These are all things I continue to battle. Putting this aside I find myself falling to my knees in amazement because the Lord answered prayer I thought weren’t possible to answer. I prayed to God that He would take me out of my sinful life and bring me closer to Him. I prayed that I would be able to give up to trying to find happiness through myself. I prayed that my life would be His. While praying all these things, I had no idea that only two weeks later I would be at Potters Field Ranch. Pslam 119:67-68 “before I was afflicted I went astray, but now I keep your word. You are good, and do good; teach me your statutes.” This is my prayer to my God everyday of my life to never forget the miracle he did in my life by bringing me where I am today. And strive to be closer to him and let him forgive me for my sins and ask him to heal me from my guilt. 1 john 3:5 “and you know that he was manifested to take away our sins, and in him there is no sin.”

Application : John 1:19 “if we confess our sins he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” Put jesus first in everything I do not just what’s appealing to me to be apart of. Repent my sins and be a vassal for god. Marinate in his word daily and follow the true leader of all righteousness and all absentness of wickedness.

Ephesians 4:31

Ephesians 4:31 “let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice.”

I herd a story tonight about someone that noticed black mold growing on there bathroom wall behind there toilet it startled her and she thought she was looking at a huge spider freaked out screaming and got her husband to come kill it. Her husband laughed and told her its just mold. That just mold turned out to be manifested threw out the whole bathroom wall where no one could see it. Listening to this story I started to think about about the verse for my ibs… thinking about how I have noticed myself thinking angry, bitter, sinful thoughts threw out the whole day and how that effects the things I speak. I seem to let thoughts like this build up in me so long they start seeping threw my words with out realizing it or my actions with out thinking about that. I found myself beginning to understand deeper how thoughts can be sinful they can’t only effect what’s going on in your head but spread like wild fire or black manifesting mold to people and things around me. In Romans 6:12 it say, “Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its evil desires.” The mold growing in the bathroom was so bad that the whole wall had to be taken out and redone. Now that told me a lot to. Reminded me of when I first started learning and dissecting my anger that had manifested so deep it felt like I had started to remove a piece of myself. And I am still in the process of this everyday trying to be aware of my thought and taking out the angry ones and replacing them with compassion. I want to be aware of them before it grows the way that mold did, have a greater control cleansing my mind with the holy spirit in deep prayer preventing wildfire growth.

Verses that remind me of this:

 I Corinthians 14:20 “dear brother and sister, don’t be childish I your understanding of these things. Be innocent as babies when it comes to evil, but be mature in understanding matters of this kind.”

Psalm: 37:8 “refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret it leads only to evil.”

ephesians 4:22

Ephesians 4:22 "that you put off, concerning your former conduct, the old man which grows corrupt according to the deceitful lusts."

  psalm 139:15 "you watched me as i was being formed in utter seclusion, as i was woven together in the darkness of the womb." god knew me before i started to walk before i started to talk he knew me before i took my first breath into my physical life. he knew me at my purest state and watched me put it off with my conduct choosing deceitful lusts and life styles over him growing and molding myself in it as i grew older and marinated in it letting it define who i was and who i was going to be. when i read 2 corinthians 11:3 "but i am afraid that just as eve was deceived by the serpents cunning, your minds may some how be led astray from your sincere and pure devotion to christ."i was ashamed to say that that verse is exactly what i did, i led myself away from him just as eve had done and i lived burning in my sin consistently and i knew if i stayed in it any longer it would be the end of any hope. in genesis 6:3 "then the lord said, "my spirit will not put up with humans for such a long time, for they are only mortal flesh. in the future, their normal lifespan will be no more than 120 years." i don't want to be one of those people that party there whole life and live in sinful deceitful desires and before i die give my life to christ i don't want to risk loosing that relationship with my jesus. coming back around and choosing christ is not easy for me, i have felt rejection from friends and family, i have let go a lot of old habits and it feels at times that i have lost everything... but now i see that i have, i have lost all my fleshly sinful desires to let the lord fill me with his true desires for my life. and i have never had more of a peace threw the pain of detachment and loss, and i have ultimately gained truth and felt a overwhelming love threw desperate times. my god has shown me forgiveness, in romans 6:6 "for we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaved to sin." 

application: continue to be a sponge for my god, having an open heart and being aware of my past knowing and reminding myself that god has much more for me and for all his people if they choose him and the relationship with him is the ultimate reward and going back to old habits and deceitful desires is NEVER worth it.



a verse that encourages me.... Philemon 1:15 "for perhaps he departed for a while for this purpose, that you might receive him forever."

Ephesians 4:30

Ephesians 4:30  “and do not grieve the holy spirit of god, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.”

  

Luke 21:28 “but when all this is beginning to take place, grieve no longer. Lift up your heads, because your deliverance is drawing near.” I simply challenge myself to rejoice in the lord and the blessings he brought me and except them. I may be way off base with the way I took this verse but I know that I have a hard time excepting the gifts god has given me because I don’t feel worthy of them and I know I am not and that’s when the verse Isaiah 63:4 “for the day of vengeance was in my heart and the year of my redeemed is come.” And know that my vengeance has left my heart I know I need to use the day redemption that god provided to stop letting grief hold me back from getting closer to him and enduring his love, to some day pass it on to someone else.

  

Ephesians 4:28

Ephesians 4:28

“let him who stole steal no longer, but rather let him labor, working with his hands what Is good, that he may have something to give him who has need.”

It’s interesting the way stealing works. Starts out with this first little rush of a petty piece of candy at the local grocery store when moms not looking then slowly manifests itself into mall adventures packing my purse full of new close, this slowly gets to a point where it’s a life style and I don’t realize I do it. When I was hungry I stole my meals, when I was cold I stole a jacket. When the little items weren’t enough of rush I stole bigger ones. It was much easier for me to walk in a store for 3 minutes and walk out with a new outfit then to work in that store for 8 long hours a day and save up for what stole but could have paid for. I thought why work for it when I could get what ever I wanted? Now I can answer that with a strong confidence, I did not value anything, no matter how expensive the item was that I was stealing, I would use it once throw it out and go steal something new. I know god isn’t a piece of clothing or a new handbag but I know by that experience that that’s how my brain works. I know that I don’t want my god to be a short face or a stolen t shirt that says Jesus loves me and then throw it away the next day trying to find something new. I want my relationship with god to be valuable relationship something I will work for everyday striving for a better understanding of his word and a closer relationship.

>I want god to manifest the way stealing did, the rush of working for a relationship with god is much better then the quick fixes I ran to. God is always a bigger and better rush and will never stop being one. I can’t find anything els on this earth that works in that manner. The first time I’m working hard for something that I know is working hard for me to and will use me to give what I can to who I can help that’s in need.

Application: continue to work hard with not only my hands that I used to steal with but with my heart and my mind striving for a deeper everlasting relationship with my god. Letting god manifest in me and make him my life style by letting him take over my every move and guid my path. Praying steadfastly for guidance and being attentive to his answers. It’s amazing how the things that I used to let control me are now put in the hands of god and used threw my hands to create good things. I love you god, thank you.